Nick Williams Weblog

What am I up to in my life today?

I wrote five books between 1999 and 2005, travelled around UK, Europe and went to USA five times to work, to South Africa five times to present and had a wonderful time. My father Harold died in August 2005 and since then I have been in a time of being rather withdrawn and working on a level where I have done what I needed to but not much else. They say grieving is a two year journey to complete and it seems to be heading that way for me.

As 2007 starts I am pleased to say that my energy is returning and I am beginning to feel inspired and creative again. I don’t think I will be writing a book for another year or two, but am investing my energy in two specific areas:

1. Inspiring more people to the possibility of finding work they love and being more fulfilled in their work
2. Teaching them how they can make those possibilities happen in their life.

I am sorry to say that Rick Thorn, who some of you know, is seriously ill with cancer now, so please keep him in your prayers. I am working with my brilliant friend and colleague Niki Hignett to create more information products – ways of inspiring and teaching people that are available on line and as live events. As I delve deeper into this area that I am passionate I find I have so may more insights and understandings than I did even when my first book came out. And I am looking forward to travelling more again.

My journey with bereavement

The most significant journeys in my life recently has been the loss of my father Harold in August 2005. He was 85 and we knew he was dying from kidney failure. 

I had a brilliant relationship with him, a real heart-to-heart connection and there were many things we shared. He spent three weeks in a hospice before he died, and my mother and I were with him as he died. It was a very powerful and moving experience.

I thought I would handle his loss more easily than I have. I found the grieving process quite profound and much more painful than I anticipated. I lost a lot of my motivation, and even my sense of purpose – something that I had always been able to rely on – seemed to disappear. I felt quite lost for a while. I didn’t want to travel so much, I just wanted to be at home more, and simply be, feel my feelings and go through what I needed to go through. I felt quite uninspired, and didn’t feel very creative. I found that very uncomfortable. I am so used to innovating and creating new projects that I felt like I had lost a large part of myself. I functioned – I carried on coaching, giving talks and running events, but it felt like mere functioning, and my joy had gone.

My Dad was the person who I felt most loved and affirmed by, and I knew in some respects he loved me than I loved myself. I knew that my challenge after his death would be to learn to love myself as much as he did. I felt acutely the loss of that mirror – the man who was always proud of me and kind towards me. His face always lit up when he saw me. I was left with a lot of my own feelings of not being good enough and not being loveable. It has been very tough.

I am now seventeen months down the line and I feel like I have grown a lot as a man. About six months ago I started to get some bereavement counselling from the hospice where dad died, and that has been incredibly helpful. It has helped me understand that loss can be so painful, but that there is nothing wrong with me, that is simply the process. My counsellors name is Sara Lindsay and she works independently too - contact her at Sara Lindsay sara@banksway.co.uk, http://www.counsellinginguildford.co.uk 

I feel like I am beginning to come out the other side now, and even feeling stronger for it. My energy is coming back, my ideas are coming back along with the desire to be proactive and creative again. That’s a relief. As 2007 begins I feel like my spirit is coming back again which is lovely.